Worlds Apart
by alightwith-happiness
Summary: 1978. His heart breaks as he breaks his promise to her, but he has no choice. James leaves Lily. [ ! NEW CH UP ! ]
1. My Dearest Lilyflower

**A/N**

 _—Harry Potter_ belongs to J.K. Rowling—

This is a story of James, Lily, Sirius, and Remus from 1978-1981. They are young Hogwarts grads and highly invested members of the Order of the Phoenix. They are blessed to have one another yet coming of age in the face of loss.

To me, the story of Lily and James Potter ought to be a classic Romance. And if with everything else going on, I can really get to the heart of their love and do their relationship justice, I'd be elated! It'll take me a few chapters to get there, but I think I can make it happen. Bear with me!

I will be staying true to canon (plot, characters) but taking some liberties i.e. adding characters we love (Weasleys, McGonagall) and whom we know little about in this time frame, possibly re-ordering deaths, imagining specificities.

I'd also like to portray Albus Dumbledore as a wise old man who himself has a lot to learn in the two decades "Worlds Apart" and _Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince_ bookend. While his leadership isn't necessarily venerable, Dumbledore's flaws I don't think are consequence enough to love him any less. He means well, really. And he has a lot of responsibility—does he not? If knowledge is power, Dumbledore has the most. And with great power comes great responsibility. What is executive decision-making if not controversial? I hope "Worlds Apart" will allow him to learn from his mistakes much like we see at the end of _Order of the Phoenix_ and even in _Deathly Hallows._

At its crux, it's still a Jily story. Don't worry.

I might edit chapters (in which case I'll let you know) before posting the next chapter. I've a good idea where the story is going, but I'd also like to write and put my work out there for feedback as I go along. This is going to be my first ever (and complete) fic!

 **Thank you for reading!** **I really hope you'll enjoy as much I did writing.**

 _P.S. I think it gets good around Chapter 5._

* * *

 _My dearest Lilyflower,_

 _I shouldn't be sending you this letter. It might not reach you._

 _If it does, you might not care._

 _You're furious and upset—and you have every right to be. I'd be mad at me too. In fact, I am._

 _I should have said my last words to you in person. For that I'll never forgive myself, yet I cannot leave them unsaid._

 _Where I've gone I cannot say. But I promise I'll be far enough that one day soon enough you'll stop missing me. It's quite another matter, love, that you'll be with me wherever I go. I'll hold you in my heart. Safekeep the few and fleeting moments we shared. And find peace in knowing this was how it was meant to be._

 _You know I never thought we'd end up this way. I always thought I would have a thousand forevers with you — these vows I would say to you on the castle grounds... us and Dumbledore at an altar encircled in enchanted white and flush flowers... Padfoot grinning from ear to ear, even Moony's eyes twinkling as his left lip curved up ever so slightly... The stars and centaurs blessing us, the rest of the staff and student body in sniffles._

 _I didn't know it back then, but something within me loved you from the moment I saw you: bright eyed, already in your robes, hair as red as the paint on that titanic engine, dangling out the window, waving your first goodbye. Seven years in the presence of your righteousness, courage, resilience, and kindness, I am a better man owing to that love. Privileged to be the one chosen to receive yours._

 _You are the one of us who always says we never really have a choice. That we never did. How we chose before in our every breath, thought, act—light or dark—would shine or spill out on its own accord when the time came. The heart would know what to do. The mind would fall silent._

 _So I know you'll understand—when the upset fades, and it will—why I left when I could have stayed and fought by your side._

 _For your safety... for the friends who were our only family left... for the world we had wanted for our little Jameses and Lilys._

 _One we might yet get._

 _Over the years we have all endured our unfair share of loss—but you perhaps with the most grace. With the most hope. As staggering as this is—trust me Lilyflower, I know. I'm the one leaving but you're not the only one in pain—I ask you to bear it once more._

 _Yours until the very end,_  
 _James_

His silent tears had dried with each version of this last letter. Lay before him was his neatest script. Not a single thought crossed out. Not one "I love you so much it hurts." He had told her just enough. What more could he say? She would know. It would do.

In James's childhood bedroom, sunlight poured through the floor-to-ceiling window in front of the large mahogany desk at which he now sat. He basked in its weight and warmth as if it were the heat coming from fast asleep Lily's body as he lay with his arms wrapped around her. The last morning James would find himself waking up with his love in his arms had come and gone just two mornings ago—without him knowing it was to be the last.

They'd come to this very room in his parents' ancestral home—James still refused to call it his, though Fleamont and Euphemia had long since passed—"alight with happiness" and more than a lil drunk on pear cider Friday night from some humble celebrations at The Burrow for Arthur and Molly's new baby boys. The entire Order—thirty some members—had apparated from wherever they were stationed for little Fred and George's homecoming from St. Mungos. The war in full swing, any happy moments were hard to come by and not taken for granted. James and his stunning Lily both had had a chance to hold the babies, and later that night they'd whispered in the dark of how it might be to one day cradle their own.

James abruptly subdued these images in his mind—an internal occulumens if you will—attempting to draw his inner turmoil to the level of tranquility abound in the room he now stood. His large, dark, square four-poster bed was made perfectly in densly embroidered gold and navy fittings, matching the lengthy curtains on the window they faced. Not a thread was out of place. Not a speck of dust lingered on his vast mahogany floors. James looked down to see himself standing on the soft carpet he and Sirius would make forts over. They'd sit here on the ground with self-filling plates of their favorite sandwiches and fabricate elaborate plans once upon a time too long ago, though not even two or three years ago perhaps. Luxury was as hard to come by as happiness these days, but his immaculately-kept room was a reminder of the youth he'd long since bid farewell and would finally be leaving forever.

Romey, the Potter house-elf, James knew would take good care of his brothers and the Order. She'd be kept contentedly busy now that he was leaving Potter Estate to Dumbledore as Order headquarters. In its previous owners' prime, Potter Estate had been both a renowned and trusted space. Sorcerers, administrators, and academics would come and converse over tea with James's intellectual old man, and all magical children too young to attend Hogwarts were welcomed to come spend the days learning and playing with James's affectionate mother. Magic was suspended in the air here at Potter Estate. It was a safe place. James knew that not only his house elf but his home as well would take good care of those left siding with good.

Sirius would still have his room here, of course. And Remus, when he came back from his current assignment. And Peter. And Lily.

James sighed.

With no parents between the two of them to express reservations on their living in, James had told Lily she could come live here at the end of summer. Lily had wanted to try mending her relationship with her only left blood relative before Petunia left for university in September. (Muggles went to boarding school after eighteen years of age oddly enough.) But James knew that being back in her childhood home with a bitter, detached sister was nothing but a constant reminder of the life Lily too would never get back.

In fact, on Friday night, Lily had announced to James that she'd given up on Tuney and was ready to come be with James, in his room, in his heart, forever. Wobbling Lily had been so determined that she almost made them apparate to her house right then to pack her belongings before James had to steady her and say,

 _"Forever is a long time, Lilyflower. We have so much time. We'll go when the boys are around to help."_

But the boys hadn't come around yet. In fact, in the last forty-eight hours James's entire 'forever' had changed.

Saturday, soon after him and Lily shared a late breakfast of coffee and sweet rolls and she went off, promising to come for dinner after Monday night's Order meeting, James was summoned by Profesor Dumbledore. A trip to Hogsmeade and a very serious conversation in the back room of the Hog's Head later, James emerged strapped with Dumbledore's latest intel and endowed Dumbledore's trust.

The responsibility placed upon the eighteen-year-old had seemingly turned him from boy into man overnight and unable to face the girl he'd one day hoped to call his wife.

He pocketed the letter he'd painstakingly written. It wasn't time to send it yet.

Dressed in dark jeans and a black sweater, James walked to his bedroom door and picked up a "backpack" with an Undetectable Extension Charm—a gift from Lily for his birthday just last week. Another heart-wrenching reminder of Lily and just how happy they'd been but a few days before. It was now filled with everything James had ever had that was worth keeping.

Well, almost everything.

 _She won't forgive me_ , he thought certainly. But he hadn't a choice.

As James then drew his entire attention to his upcoming role, he closed the door on his childhood bedroom and left as a man for the very first time. He wasn't coming back. If it wasn't for the magic suspended in the air here at Potter Estate, it may have almost been as if the boy James Potter had never existed at all.


	2. Promise, You Have to Promise

Petunia hadn't been home on Saturday when Lily had returned. _Probably out being brainwashed by her bigot of a boyfriend._ She'd hated to view her sister in this way but the thought had sentiently presented itself to Lily.

It had taken Lily and James just one encounter with Vernon Dursley the year before to discover that he was _worse_ than Severus. Insecure, spiteful, downright cowardly. Lily was now so past even being friends with Severus that she was no longer ashamed she had ever been. But seeing her sister make the same folly engaging Vernon she herself so nearly had with Severus did not sit well with Lily.

 _Haven't we lost enough for Petunia to be so hell-bent on losing meee toooo?_ While Lily wanted nothing more than to patch up with her older sister, the cause was lost, and it was high time that Lily accept it.

Lily may have been half a bottle of pear cider down when she said them the night before, but the intent behind her words to James had been discernibly sober.

" _I've decided," Lily announced, plopping down criss cross apple sauce on his bed. "I've had enough. James, I'm coming to live with you."_

 _The couple had apparated right into James's bedroom and_ right onto _his bed. James sunk into his back, sprawling over his full bedspread as Lily scooted closer._

" _That took so much concentration, I'm dizzy," he managed._

" _It was better than flying though," Lily said, looking over him._

" _Easy for you to say. You were Side-Along. I had to make sure dumb and dumber both got here without splinching an eyebrow or something."_

" _And you did a wonderful job my Jamesie," Lily said, suddenly turning to lay on her stomach next to him. "And for that you deserve a kiss."_

 _She lazily leaned up and smooched his jaw. "P.S. I'm dumb._ You're _dumber."_

" _Whatever you say, Lilyflower." His eyes were still closed._

 _Restless as she was even normally, with the emotions of the night still coursing rampantly through her, Lily suddenly stood up and off the bed._

" _I'm serious though. I'm moving in."_

" _Sirius is already moved in, Lily."_

 _She smacked his thigh with the back of her hand. "Okay you deserved that one."_

" _Okay," James smiled slightly, finally opening his eyes. "You're right. I'm sorry."_

" _Plus flying makes_ me _dizzy, and I'm just so scared I'll fall off—"_ _she went off._

 _James sat up on the bed to face her, his legs on either side of Lily's. "You know I'll never let you fall off a broom." It was sweet at first but then even he started to ramble. "_ Technically _, it's not even possible to fall off of a broom unless—"_

" _Jaaaames, what if I have to fly without you?"_

" _That'll never happen. Over my dead body."_

 _At this, Lily's eyes went wide. She began to protest his idiom of choice but he recognized the error of his words and hurried to right them._

" _I will always be with you, Lils. If you get scared, just close your eyes. And I'll be there."_

" _Promise, you have to promise you will," in one breath. "I can't lose you too."_

 _He looked into her eyes when he said it, and he meant it. "I promise."_

 _James pulled Lily close, and she was home. He couldn't make everything better, but this promise he could make. No matter what happened, Lily would not lose him too. He wouldn't let that happen. As she wrapped her tiny arms around his head and fluffed his hair, she knew—even if they were the last ones standing, as long as they were together, they'd be okay._

 _And just like that, the moment snapped._

" _Ah, I'm sorry I'm being like this. Just seeing everyone today, and the_ babies—"

" _You don't have to apologize, and you don't have to be strong always. I felt it too."_

" _I doooo though." They'd had this discussion more times than she could remember. "But back to what I was saying. Can we go get my things_ right now _? I want our forever to start right now."_

" _Well_ technically _our forever started when you_ finally _said yes."_

" _Ughk James you and your technicalities."_

 _"Forever is a long time, Lilyflower. We have so much time. We'll go when the boys are around to help."_

 _At this Lily huffed, and James jumped on his favorite opportunity:_

" _Did you know you're even cuter when you're drunk?"_

" _Yeah," she smiled back innocently. "I know."_

" _Good, come here."_

 _They rolled back on the bed. An impatient half hour of their customary rise and fall and many familiar caresses later—their entire forever still to come—James and Lily were fast asleep._

A bounce in her step from her happy night and even happier morning, Lily gathered the belongings she'd be taking with her into the magical world. A trunk full of clothes, everything she'd need to make medicinal potions, and her entire wizarding library with a few useful Muggle volumes had been shrunk and packed.

At school, Sirius had always joked that Lily had more supplies in her personal potions collection than did the Diagon Alley apothecary. Remus had always been grateful for the books she kept on her persona—any information they might need for their theoretical homework was at her fingertips. Outside she smiled appreciatively whenever her friends mentioned her all-assuming tendencies, but inside she swelled with pride. Seven long years later, towards the end of which their paths had converged, Lily was finally joining their world for good.

Everything was arranged. When Petunia soon married Vernon, the Order would be buying this house as well. To use as a safe house. Mad-Eye Moody in guise of a realtor already had the preliminary formalities signed and sealed with the older Evans girl. He worked fast, that man.

Lily was leaving for the Marauders' 'bachelor pad' tonight. The flat Sirius extravagantly gloated upon as a sign of him standing on his own two feet after graciously leaving Potter Estate was actually being used by the young Hogwarts grads as an unofficial operating ground for Order-related work. Lily and Remus had a lengthy amount of research to complete before Monday, but if not for that, Lily'd have gone directly to James's.

James had been practically begging Lily to move in with him since they finished their seventh year in December. _Why go back to someone who's made it clear they don't want you in their life?_ he argued. _Why not spend every precious free minute with your irresistible, doting boyfriend?_ Though she rolled his eyes at him, she'd softened to the idea of living with him. Lily had reached acquiescence point. She wanted to be with him forever, so why delay?

This big move was Lily's real birthday present to him. Not that silly backpack. Pureblood—and a charming one—James doubled as an Auror. He was in and out of the Ministry and though he'd shown appreciation for her practical Muggle gift, Lily knew he would never use the placeholder.

Her coming over and never leaving should have been a surprise, but the pear cider had had other plans. Lily scolded herself for being such an open book—not to mention James could read Lily equally well alcohol or not, but Lily just hoped the surprise wasn't ruined.

At last, Lily sorted out the Muggle belongings she was leaving behind to a charity, and selected a few personal items special enough to take with. In a worn black tote, Lily placed one still and two moving photographs—the still an Evans family Christmas photo from 1970—and a magical green sweater. She smiled as she brought it close before gently folding and putting it away. A Marauders story of its own behind it, this sweater had been James's birthday gift to her.

James. _Her_ James.

Since fifth year, Lily Evans had always gotten ready in the morning with a fresh face of makeup. But since she'd been going out with James Potter, a smile was also permanently plastered on her face. He'd made her so happy over the past several months that now it was Lily's turn to return the favor.

Head over heels in love, her mind turned to the work she'd sworn her life to. It focused in on the friends she was ready to die for. Together, they were going to save the world.

Without saying goodbye to her sister, Lily left her childhood home. She had a whole magical forever ahead of, and Lily Evans wasn't turning back.


	3. The Rest Was History

Monday evening couldn't come sooner.

Lily was _aching_ to see James.

She hadn't slept nearly enough Saturday and Sunday nights—not because of the racket Sirius was making in bewitching a fleet of Muggle vehicles for Order use but because of the unending pile of political conference minutes she was to cover.

Death Eaters were gaining traction and confidence by the day, fatalities climbing. While Order field agents made headway in capturing, interrogating, and—if needed—eliminating Voldemort's followers, Professor McGonagall had asked Lily Evans and Remus Lupin to devise means of saving the most lives.

Previous prefects Lily and Remus excelled as a team. His high mental processing paired with her comprehensive nature to produce effective results. Both were strategic and insightful. To those who didn't know them: bookish, commandeering. Just the traits required for coming up with, training the Order in, and implementing a safety plan.

Thus under Lily was born the Muggle-Born Protection Protocol and under Remus, the Endangered Magical Creatures Protocol. They were researching what governments—both magic and Muggle—had done in times of crisis to aid those whose lives were threatened due to their deemed-lesser societal status. And applying what they learned to draft evacuation-and-shelter procedures with a focus on large gatherings.

Lily's brain was _fried_. Her eyes glazed over lines of text. They'd been at it without a break since Saturday night, having lost Friday to the festivities.

Remus slammed his head down on the table and began to rub his temples. Lily wasn't startled.

"Now how are we going to get these out to each group?" he thought into the table.

"Muggle-borns _are_ wizards. They're sensible?" Lily mused back. "They can't have misread things deteriorating in front of their eyes. They'll follow our guidelines if they know what's good for them."

Remus looked up—head still in hands—from Sirius's dining room table. It was covered in so many open books and files that it resembled a Hogwarts library workbench during exam week. Any visible gaps to the dark surface were filled with now-empty mugs of potent tea.

"I mean the centaurs and the goblins and the... werewolves," he hesitated. "They don't _trust_ us." Exhale.

"We'll have to send ambassadors," she replied quietly, finally meeting his eyes.

Remus blinked back. A quiet consensus passed between them. With Dumbledore's plate full, Arthur and Kingsley busy at the Ministry, and McGonagall managing the anxious sentiments of Hogwarts students' parents, their leaders wouldn't be able to serve as ambassadors. Selecting replacements would be Lily and Remus's next order of business, and a tedious one at that.

Lily pushed away thoughts attempting to discern which Order members would be diplomatic enough for the job. They'd need someone who'd strengthen relations with their nonhuman allies, not offend them. After all, it would be hard to save a world that decided it didn't want saving.

She got up from the far end of the table. "I'm going to freshen up before the meeting. Do something about the bags under your eyes, and we'll apparate together."

Remus nodded as if his mother had asked him if he'd eaten, and Lily left him at the table to collect the papers they'd need to update the Order on their progress.

In all, Sirius's Chelsea flat had four bedrooms—the largest at the end of the hall belonging to Sirius, the one next to it to Remus—and three bathrooms. When questioned how he had gotten his hands on such a wealthy property, Sirius had grunted something about his Uncle Alphard making it big in Muggle London after being blasted off the Black family tapestry.

Lily now entered a simple guest room near the kitchen. She was so tired. Her trunk and purse were temporarily resting on an ottoman at the foot of the bed. To be moved to James's in a matter of hours.

 _James._

Lily fell back on the bed, closing her eyes. She _needed_ to feel her head placed on James's heart, wrap around his waist, and inhale his characteristic scent—leather, grass, and notes of the Sleekeazy potion that unfortunately never worked on his eternally messy hair. War might be raging outside the walls of his two arms, but in them, Lily's worries melted away. Peace was her reality.

It hadn't always been this way. They'd grown up fighting each other. Her righteously, and him because he could. At least at first.

James Potter was talented and hard-working, emboldened and loved, and reminded of this at all times from all directions. When he finally uncovered the full potential of his skills, that he could employ his smarts for _good,_ his dynamic with Lily Evans shifted.

Lily had held his attention for years by remaining steadily unaffected no matter how exceedingly ostentatious he was. She was the only one who didn't kiss the ground on which he walked. Rather, she challenged his worldview. Lily made James a better person.

Their well known fights in the Great Hall morphed into intimate dialogues in front of the Gryffindor common room fire. During these they both learned more from each other than they had ever fathomed possible. This led to reciprocation of a newfound respect that was palpable to their classmates and professors. Word spread, bets were placed. The once-thought enmity was well on its way to becoming Hogwarts's most noteworthy romance.

To those around them, their mutual realization occurred after too drawn-out a time. They'd become inseparable. He'd carry her heavy school bag on the long walk from the Astronomy Tower to the Potions dungeons. She wasn't bothered by the interminable time the Marauders required of him. He provided an endless supply of her favorite pasties during their late night study sessions. She'd rally everyone in Gryffindor to go all out during his matches as captain.

And oh, how he could make her laugh.

When she saw all the prettiest, popular girls ask him to Hogsmeade and be turned down, she couldn't help but covering her mouth to hide her smile.

When he watched her comfort a homesick first-year, he couldn't get out of his mind an image of her blowing raspberries on the tummy of a giggling toddler with messy black hair and round glasses.

When she sat by him as he concentrated at his Quidditch game plans—scrunching his brows and puckering his lips—she couldn't help but think you couldn't possibly be _this_ happy. She had to have set a new record.

And when he won the Quidditch Cup at the final game their sixth year and kissed her breathless in front of the whole school—whistles and applause galore—every single face in the crowd couldn't help but beam as much as the two of them.

In September of 1977, by the time their first journey on the Hogwarts Express came to a close, every new student had heard the tale of their Head Boy and Head Girl. The rest was history.

But as Lily lay thinking of the only person who could comfort her in this moment of exhaustion and worry, she thought of none of this. Instead she thought of the small, nameless moments she'd spent with the boy who came to mean so much to her. Weaving her fingers through his, nose nuzzles, sitting on his lap, how messy her hair got when he was done with it.

Lily sighed. It could be argued that the behind-the-scenes work she was doing was just as important as his, but in reality, it couldn't be compared. James's assignments for the Order meant putting his life in danger, waltzing with death. Every time he went out, she didn't know if she'd see him again. At times she felt like a useless housewife, that her defense training had been a waste.

 _It's a blessing you haven't had to use it,_ James had said when he once came back brutally hexed from countering an attack on a K-12 Muggle school. Lily cried herself to sleep for three days at the sight of his bleeding body.

 _I can't lose you too._

Still, she'd put on a front as she nursed him back to full strength.

Lily played her role as the Marauder's ray of sunshine impeccably well. She was aggressively optimistic—she wanted to be—convincing his brothers as much as herself that James would be okay. Soon this war would be over and the fighting worth it.

But it had been just three months out of school, and even positive ball of light Lily was subject to unimaginable thoughts seeping in if she wasn't careful.

"Evans! Let's go!" came a voice far too animated to be Remus's.

Lily splashed water on her face and slipped on her green sweater, wand up its sleeve, before Sirius Black had a chance to complain she was being a prissy schoolgirl and taking too long to get ready.

Sirius was looking as hot as ever when Lily entered the kitchen: blotched in mechanical oil, hair disheveled, donning his iconic brown leather jacket. They'd once found a group of fourth-year Ravenclaw girls arguing over who'd get to keep it when seventh-year Sirius had left the leather jacket in a classroom. In order to get it back, Sirius had but to smile and say, "Now, now. No fighting ladies! There's enough of me to go around!" They all swooned, but one of the girls fainted.

"I finished four motorcycles and two cars today—twice more than they're paying me for!"

"They're _not_ paying you, Sirius."

"Oh but they'll wish they were when they see the range on these babies. Plus they're so user-friendly—oh hey, Moony. You look like death."

Remus hadn't done anything about the bags under his eyes.

Sirius continued emphatically, "Did you and Evans finally figure out how to stop innocent lives from being lost? Wait 'til Prongs—"

But whatever Sirius wanted James to see or do was lost when Remus rolled his eyes—"Shut up, Padfoot"—sticking out his right arm for them to take and apparate.

"Nice sweater, Evans."

And then a loud crack. The kitchen was empty.


	4. Order of the Phoenix

Remus, Sirius, and Lily landed with another loud crack.

They found themselves in a forest so thick the time of day would be mistaken for night when in fact it was only dusk. The air was damp but fresh. It had just rained, as if in anticipation of the trio. Foliage bumped into their bodies as they re-adjusted themselves—Sirius and Lily no longer grasping Remus's arm, Lily and her green sweater blending into the scene.

"So this is where Mad-Eye lives then, eh?" Sirius piped up, straightening his jacket. "I swear, the places these paranoid ol' crackheads—"

" _Shhh_ ," Remus interrupted again. "Be quiet, would you? We don't know if we've landed within the enchantments or not. Don't want to be attracting the _wrong_ order now, do—"

"Constant vigilance," Lily butt in satirically.

As much as she cared for safety, Lily was a Marauder after all. She smirked towards Sirius at Remus's expense.

The latter had recently developed an overprotective trait. The possibility of Marauder deaths translated into newfound anxiety for Remus. His best friends had done so much for him over the years... how could he live without them?

Lily knew that if Remus saw a boggart today, it would not be a full moon. Rather, it'd take the form of four very familiar dead bodies. So she joked and smiled to keep his finicking at bay.

"Oh c'mon Moony, lighten up. If we were told to apparate here, then it must be safe."

"Where's everyone else then?"

They took a defensive stance—wands out, surveying the greenery around them. It wasn't until Sirius turned his eyes upwards that his flanks did as well.

Contentedly situated in the trunks above them was a treehouse that sprawled beyond their visual reach.

The moment Remus, Sirius, and Lily sensed the house, the house addressed them as well. Down came a sturdy black ladder.

"Treehouse more like tree-mansion," Sirius began as Lily led the climb. "Did he build this _himself_?" Remus quietly followed her; Sirius continued to question. " _How_ did he build this?" Now calling up to the present half of his friend group, "What do you reckon it'd take to build a treehouse in the Whomping Willow?" Sirius traipsed up the ladder and met them at the top. "I bet James and I can take that on with a few pointers from Mad-Eye."

They emerged on a wide landing, a porch of sorts, to a locked front door.

"It wraps around," Remus motioned, ignoring Sirius. He and Lily followed, hoping this cryptic location really was where their Order meeting was.

And sure enough, the back entrance of large, open French doors led into what must have been Mad-Eye's idea of a foyer.

They entered a circular hall with a high ceiling, framed by curving shelves. On these shelves rested encyclopedic volumes on practical magical use, leather-bound journals, magical gadgets, and jars of both recognizable herbs and more questionable contents.

But it was the sheer size of the table at the heart of the room that stole the show. _It's broad enough to lay ten adult corpses across_. As if the morbid image came to them simultaneously, three of the five Marauders exchanged an exclamatory glance.

It was dark but for lanterns haphazardly placed around the room. Eleven chairs had been scrunched toward one side of the table, from which six heads turned to face them. On the other side—across from Remus, Sirius, and Lily—stood Albus Dumbledore.

"Ah," Sirius beamed, nodding at Dumbledore and taking his spot next to Frank Longbottom. "Just when Remus here thought this place was a trap."

Sturgis Podmore, Edgar Bones, Dorcas Meadows, and the Prewett brothers were also present—Podmore and Bones discussing the glum state of affairs at the Ministry; Dorcas waiting solemnly to be addressed; and Fabian checking his watch, whispering to Gideon.

"I was merely being cautious," Remus rolled his eyes, sitting towards the back while Lily took a front seat next to Professor McGonagall.

"The damn right thing to be," Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody bellowed, stomping into the room from stairs suspended in the air and shutting everyone up. "There's a war going on."

"Let's start shall we?" Moody confirmed with Dumbledore, standing next to the founder of the Order of the Phoenix, and on cue:

"Sorry I'm late!" Arthur Weasley appeared, tipping his hat and filling the last empty chair.

Dumbledore finally spoke.

"That's alright, Arthur. I believe that's everyone who will be attending this evening, Alastor. Carry on."

Had their seating not been strategic, but rather privy to exchanging interrogative looks, now would've been the time Remus, Sirius, and Lily bore their eyes into one another's skulls.

 _Where was James?_

"First order of business: updates," began Moody. "I'll go on the status of field missions reported back to me, and we'll proceed around the room."

"Doesn't he mean _first business of Order_?" Sirius muttered under his breath to no one in particular.

But Moody didn't fail to hear. "Think this a bloody joke, do you, Black?"

"No, sir." Sirius stood, a smile still playing at his face.

"You're not in school anymore! Bloody act like it. Know what? Why don't you start us off instead?"

Without skipping a beat, "My pleasure," Sirius replied confidently.

"How are those transportation devices getting along? Dearborn was just questioned by his Parliament mates how he was getting from Sussex into central London every day without a car."

"Of the two bikes and one car you required for field agents doubling as Muggles, I've completed twice as many— _four_ bikes and _two_ cars—using roughly eighty percent of the budget allotted to me. Not only are these vehicles equipped with ample safety and escape features, they will make the work of those protecting Muggle communities or following Death Eaters in disguise more efficient. Kingsley will be performing the checks to ensure these vehicles are up to your standards—in other words, impervious to any breech—after his night shift at the Ministry as I arranged with him earlier this afternoon."

"Thank you, Sirius," acknowledged Dumbledore before Moody had a chance to reply. "Alastor, back to you. What news do you have of Pettigrew?"

Lily, who had been furiously yet neatly recording minutes by hand (not trusting an enchanted quill to do a just job), looked up from her writing at the mention of the last Marauder. Like the others, she had a soft spot for him that stemmed from his meekness, and she was concerned for his safety.

"Hasn't reported much," grumbled Moody. "Ol' Abraxas has been hush hush since the Leach incident and wouldn' be surprised if he told Lucius to be the same. Hard to tell friend from foe these days. I'd almost commend the Malfoys on being sensible enough to not trust a new servant."

Since Abraxas Malfoy was found connected to the death of _Muggle-born_ Minister of Magic Nobby Leach, and loving old cousin Cissy Black went off the grid in her correspondence with Sirius upon becoming Narcissa Malfoy in a quiet, arranged marriage to Abraxas's son Lucius, the Order had sent Peter as an undercover servant to the Malfoy household. Leaning toward dark as much as Potter Estate inclined toward light, Malfoy Manor ought to have been the prime source on the movements of Rodolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange, their minions Severus Snape and Regulus Black, and their leader Voldemort himself.

"It's a pity Peter hasn't had more to say," observed Dumbledore frankly.

Why Dumbledore had let him into the field over Sirius had been a hot issue among the young grads. Even newly-married, mousy Alice Longbottom had been approved to take position in a Muggle hospital to keep an eye on injuries that had to have been caused by magic. Ultimately, they'd agreed the best explanation was that Peter wouldn't be dueling much anyways and would be out of harm's way in kitchen quarters. They didn't have to worry about him, and any information he could send their way would only be an addition. Plus, as James had pointed out, Peter was inconspicuous. He knew how to keep himself out of trouble.

Moody went on to describe the status of other in-progress operations.

Voldemort's army, the Dark Army, outnumbered the Order twenty to one. Until the Ministry took on a more active role, victory for the Order would be a game of pure odds and sheer force.

So, the Prewett brothers were given permission to kill rather than capture on any lead.

Then, Moody told Frank and Dorcas to trace and weed out the newest, least-trusted, and weakest of Voldemort's followers—as many as they could by the next Order meeting.

 _No mention of James,_ thought Lily.

Dorcas and Frank offered her a sympathetic smile. They knew Lily wanted nothing more than to be out there, fighting. Making a _difference._ Though her face didn't show it, Lily's heart hurt at seeing _yet another_ pair of friends go out into a world that could hurt them.

"Gideon, Fabian, Frank, and Dorcas, goodluck," Dumbledore spoke softly. "Remember, resolution of mind far surpasses strength of numbers."

Lily and Remus gave a briefing on their efforts to collaborate with nonhuman magical beings and shared their proposed next steps. The duo received approval from Professor McGonagall to proceed with the ambadassadors they deemed fit. Their drafted regulations would be revised and finalized by her promptly.

It was now Arthur's and Podmore's turn to share the Ministry update.

"You'll know by this morning's Prophet that Barty Crouch has been newly appointed as the head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement," shared Arthur. "The Ministry's not so popular right now, people are scared, and it seems he really wants to make up by reining in the chaos. He's aiming to definitively differentiate truly bad eggs from the Imperiused by sending out more raids, involving Ministry employees from all departments in an all-hands-on-deck, 'desperate times call for desperate measures' policy."

"That's not to mention the ones right under his nose that Crouch's forgetting," Podmore jumped in. "Mad-Eye, I'll need to borrow an invisibility cloak again to check the offices of those in the Ministry Weasley and I suspect."

"O' course. And who are your suspects?"

"Rookwood, for one," Arthur said. "Had a funny thing to say to me the other day about the Muggle school attack. 'What difference does it make when or how? Mudbloods have it coming. I say, save yourself the trouble, Weasley. A pureblood such as yourself should know where his loyalties lie.' Needless to say, I told him where my loyalties—"

"Sensible of them to appoint Crouch to remedy the current state of affairs," McGonagall stepped in. "He's by-the-book but not vapid."

Dumbledore took the floor.

"I'm glad to hear the Ministry will finally be doing their share of the work in protecting our citizens and serving a blow to Voldemort's ranks. Thank you, Arthur. Sturgis. Work with Kingsley to position yourselves close to Crouch's work. I'll meet with the man myself, but the more eyes we have on the comprehensive set of progress he's made, the better."

 _What about James?_ Now, Sirius's head was spinning. Prongs was always boasting how much he'd impressed the whole Auror department as an intern last summer. Now, in the three short months Prongs had been at the Ministry full-time, Crouch himself had said he'd be needing the likes of James. _Why isn't he having James cozy up to Crouch?_

 _Perhaps Professor Dumbledore isn't addressing James because he isn't_ here _at the meeting right now,_ thought Remus at his own seat.

"That being said, Edgar, I'd like you to continue your efforts recruiting Miss Bones," added Dumbledore.

Bones had been temporarily injured from his last field mission, and like Lily, wanted to do something, _anything_ , to help. This now meant getting his sister Amelia Bones, who worked directly under Barty Crouch, to join the Order.

"She's Barty's right-hand, and the Order would benefit greatly from her addition. Your role in bringing her on would be of utmost service to us."

McGonagall raised her brows _. The lengths to which this man will go._

Not only of those present but of the entire Order, Minerva McGonagall knew Albus Dumbledore best of all. Even more, arguably, than his brother Aberforth. Albus had first put dashing James (rich, new Auror, Quidditch legend, leader of a gang of troublemakers the girls saw as playboys) on the case of the young administrator against Minerva's better advice. She knew strong-willed Amelia would give no importance to James and his tasked flirtation, and as she'd told him it would, Al's initial plan had indeed failed. He now took up Minnie's advice to go straight to the source, and at the meeting, Minnie saw right through Al's words one of his strongest skills: _He's impeccable at inspiring loyalty, at making young men feel valued enough that they'd instantaneously do what he asked._

"Definitely." Bones looked determined. "I won't let you down, sir."

 _What's an Order meeting without a healthy dose of melodrama?_ Sirius held his breath as if waiting for Lily to explode.

The mention of "Miss Bones" vexed Lily. She knew nothing had happened between James and Amelia, but she had thought it _unnecessary_ on Professor Dumbledore's part having James _flirt_ when his muscles and brains could be put to better use. Sirius had said she was just jealous for Lily Evans herself was well-versed with the precision with which flirting got James Potter what he wanted. _Wherever Potter is now he better be doing something of substance_ , she thought _._

"Now, I believe that concludes our agenda for this evening but for one announcement. Potter Estate is now the official headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. Your colleagues will be informed, and we shall meet again this Thursday, same time, at Potter Estate."

 _Potter Estate!_

Remus, Sirius, and Lily stood with the rest of the party and finally looked at each other.

"No more scrambling between Hog's Head and heads' houses, thank Merlin," Frank said to Sirius, stretching his legs.

Rest everybody head outside Moody's house to apparate. Moody himself went back up his floating staircase.

"Yeah, no kidding," Sirius replied. To Remus, quietly, "Potter Estate? When did that happen?"

To ensure secrecy, the Order didn't meet in the same place for long, but now the organization had a home.

"I'll see you on Thursday then," began Dorcas, waving at Lily and looking somber.

The inflection in her voice seemed as if she had more to say, but Dorcas turned and left.

"Give my best to Molly," Lily told Arthur. On their first meeting, the girl and woman had bonded over the one-of-a-kind red hair their significant others so loved, and Molly had been like a big sister to Lily since. "I'd be happy to come by and lend a h—"

"Miss Evans, Mr Lupin, and Mr Black," asserted Dumbledore's from across the room. "I have one last matter to discuss with you three."

With a "see you kids," Arthur left as well, leaving the newest Order members—Remus, Sirius, and Lily—with their old professors—McGonagall and Dumbledore.

The five of them had never shared a moment without a sixth someone, and his absence was palpable.

Remus responded first. "What's the matter, Professor?"

Lily assessed the still energy in the room. Quickly scanning the four faces in front of her, she found Professor McGonagall's to be as inquisitive as Remus's and Sirius's. Lily had a sense where this was going, and she preemptively felt hints of nausea. She inhaled sharply but didn't say a word.

"Yes, Albus?"

Deciding that Dumbledore had played the suspense card long enough, Sirius said what they were all thinking:

"Where is James?"


	5. Too Good To Be True

Sirius asked firmly but not unkindly, "Where is James?"

The words hung in the air as they tend to in light of a tragedy. Silence responded in a last attempt to shelter Lily from the gravity of the pain she'd feel next. The calm before the storm.

 _James_.

The five people _he_ adored most each felt the weight of his brother's words. Why were they standing here discussing this? Where was he? Did she want to hear what Professor Dumbledore had to say?

"James is gone."

Suddenly, each well-concealed insecurity Lily harbored was alight. James could be any length from her, yet her chest would still constrict mercilessly at every divulgence of his name. Before in regards to James, bliss had manifested itself in Lily's chest as a swelling heart. But the qualms that were engulfing her now told no tales of happiness. She knew that happiness was long gone, what Professor Dumbledore said James to be.

"What do you mean _gone_ , Albus?"

"I know only that James has left us... voluntarily, but perhaps indefinitely. Before doing so, he entrusted his home to the Order."

Lily was beside herself. She sensed the strength leave her body, as if it were being sucked from her in a whirl of grey smoke, and she, who was once brilliantly golden, was left ashen. The numbness was spreading from her core to her limbs. She was drifting further and further away, listening to the transpiring conversation from across an ocean.

"Where did he go?"

"I do not know where he is."

"This seems senseless, Albus. Why would the boy just get up and leave?"

 _Yes_ , Lily wanted to cry out. In fact, she did. _He can't just leave. He hasn't_! The force of her thoughts reverberated through her body but no sound escaped Lily's lips. Unconsciously, she'd crossed her wrists at the base of her ribs. A steadying and caving posture both at once. Instinctively, Lily now gripped the sleeve ends of her green sweater. _He promised._

"His motivations for leaving were not bared to me, unfortunately. He simply asked in exchange for headquarters that I convey his departure to his friends here."

But his friends' minds were elsewhere.

" _I will always be with you, Lils. If you get scared, just close your eyes. And I'll be there."_

Lily closed her eyes. Try as she might to conjure a perfect image of James—the night black hair she grasped, his burning eyes, that soft mouth and the smile it cast just for her—Lily couldn't see James. All she could see were the words _Fight or Flight_ scrawled in the air. At their first Order defense training, Moody must have forgotten that there was a _third_ response to danger. It was in this that Remus, Sirius, and Lily were now trapped as the impasse between Albus and Minerva continued.

"He had to have had a reason," Minerva pressed.

"I have done what I can to ensure the boy is safe. And he is, for the time being."

This must have struck a nerve with Remus, for his trance shattered first. Lily remained frozen.

"What? You can't just let him go. Professor, we have to send someone after him!" Remus struggled to piece together a logical argument. Rather, his emotions rolled from his tongue. "We have to find him. The Order needs him. _We_ need him."

Hidden in that last "we" were both Lily's and Sirius's plights.

Lily gazed absently at Professor Dumbledore and she was taken back several months. It was the day after Halloween. She had been rehearsing for a Charms practical during a mid-morning break when she was summoned to the headmaster's office. Her visits with Dumbledore had previously been formality or celebratory, and at the very least, pleasant. But that particular day, when he'd informed her of the murders of her parents, Lily saw Dumbledore in a new light: the bearer of bad news, a messenger of death.

The lump in her throat was growing, and she felt agitatedly warm. It took Lily all her strength to not break down in this reputable company. But it seemed Remus's resolve had gone out the window.

"Professor! There's an army out there waiting to _torture_ him! If not for the crime of being a blood traitor then for the depth of our intel! You can't just—"

"Mr Lupin, may I suggest you have a seat?"

Their stern but compassionate professor looked sympathetically at Remus. Then forcibly at Albus. Even Minerva seemed at a loss for words to get more out of him in front of the kids. James Potter couldn't be gone without cause, and definitely not without informing those he'd been attached to at the hip. There was more to this story, she was certain, but Albus would only budge when he wanted to.

"I am aware of the unsettling nature of this news," Dumbledore reasoned. "It comes as a shock to us all, and I share your sense of loss. But for now, let us take solace in James's safety, respect his wishes, and not let this drain our energies. I will do all in my power to protect one of our brightest and bravest."

Like Lily and Remus, Minerva and Albus functioned fluidly as a pair, so she took over when Albus took off.

"I will speak to him," she assured her favorite students. "Now Mr Black, as surprised as I am, I'm leaving _you_ in charge. Please take care of Mr Lupin and Miss Evans. If they are not well, while I can no longer anoint detention, I will personally hold you responsible."

"Of course, Minnie dearest," returned Sirius with his most unaffected of grins.

And with an omniscient motherly smile—the kind that convinced you everything would in fact be alright—and a crack, Professor McGonagall was gone.

The room was empty but for the Marauders. Sirius addressed this aloud.

"What's left of us anyways."

Lily was positively shaking, and Remus shot Sirius a death glare.

"Ahh, too soon for a joke I see."

"What are you meddling kids still doing here?" called a moody voice somewhere above them.

"We were just leaving. Any way we can apparate from here?"

"Sure."

Sirius grabbed the fuming lot, and they too were sucked out of sight.

* * *

Back at the Chelsea flat, Sirius immediately sat Remus in a tall red armchair—one they'd "borrowed" from the Gryffindor common room—and Lily on an adjacent loveseat. Tea, biscuits, chocolates, and firewhiskey were provided. Romey, the Potter house elf, was already there and making them dinner.

April was still budding so London was a tad stormier than usual. The gloom could now be felt in Sirius's family room so he conjured blue flames to take center stage as he took a seat across from Remus.

"So, are we going to talk about what just happened or nah?"

A twinge of embarrassment touched Remus recollecting his earlier outburst, but the anger returned just as quickly and he was reminded not to feel sorry for too long.

"How can you be so calm when James is gone!?"

"My point exactly. For one, we don't know if he's _gone_ gone. And two, it's _James_. Where's he going to go without telling us?"

"He clearly has. How else could Dumbledore use Potter Estate? And Romey be here with us instead of James? Why can't you see?"

"Why can't _you_ see Moony that this might just be one of Dumbledore's secret elaborate plans? It's simple really. I know James. _We_ know James. He wouldn't pull a stunt like this unless he had to. Even Minnie said it. He had to have had a reason."

"I don't want to fight in this war if it means we're going to be pawns."

"Like it or not, we _are_ fighting this war. And we _are_ pawns unless we make a name for ourselves otherwise. Moody was right. We're not in bloody school anymore."

"What do you suggest we do? Try to talk to him? _Find_ him?"

"We won't be able to find him unless he wants to be found."

Remus pursed in agreement. Then added, "And you're sure you don't you think this is contrived? That he was taken?"

"No, it's too quiet for it to be a conspiracy. At least for now. They'd want something more in return for James..."

Gratitude washed over Remus as he felt fully present once more: mindful of living, breathing, talking Sirius in front of him. Then guilt as he realized that in all this time, Lily hadn't spoken a single word.

Sirius thought the same and met his eyes; they both tentatively looked over to where she had been sitting.

Lily had fallen sideways onto the sofa and was huddled in fetal position, clutching around her dearly her green sweater as if she was holding on to James's life itself.

" _Get Evans a necklace."_

" _Please. So she can keep a picture of me in a pendant close to her heart?" James mocked, gagging playfully. "Next."_

" _How about a teddy bear?"_

" _She has me, my fluffy hair, and—if those are temporarily unavailable—Padfoot in_ his _fluffy form to cuddle with. Next."_

" _A ring?"_

" _Too soon."_

" _Merlin, James. It wouldn't have been too soon if you got Lily a ring when she beat you at Transfiguration in first year. You were smitten by the possibility of someone outsmarting you."_

" _Maybe so," James smiled at the memory of how infuriated he'd been to have come second before he realized the one to put him in his place was none other than the redheaded princess. At eleven, she was first ever to crack to his confidence. It was a lesson he'd come to appreciate. Fury settled into awe, and years later, here he was trying to give her a birthday present she'd value as much._

" _But rings are... I don't know what the word for it is, but when she has my word and my heart, I don't think she'd care for a ring. I want to give her something really special, that'll make her happy and remind her of me, something she'll always hold dear..."_

" _Hold deer, eh?" Sirius's puns could never be stopped, and they honestly wouldn't have it any other way._

" _A stag and a doe!" exclaimed Remus. "We could enchant them so they'd circle and play with one another!"_

" _Hmm, moving in the right direction, lads."_

" _A James figurine," Peter chimed in. "You know, so she can—"_

" _He's not getting her a voodoo doll," sighed Remus._

" _What's voo doo?"_

 _Sirius laughed. "At this point Prongs, just carve out your heart and give it to her on a silver platter."_

" _I wish."_

" _Lily would want something simple. Sweet. Even practical."_

" _Chocolates and a sweater?" Peter responded to Remus. "That's_ your _ideal gift, Moony. I'm sure Lily would appreciate a little more effor—"_

" _That's perfect! Wormtail you're a genius!"_

" _I am?"_

" _Yes, she can never have enough chocolates. And a sweater would be perfect for spring. Green, you know, the color of her eyes. And I can put a spell on it so when she wears it, it'd feel like hugging me..."_

 _Sirius and Remus looked at one another. When it came to Lily, how tender James could be never ceased to surprise them._

" _So it's settled," Sirius jumped in. "Prongs and I are going to Hogsmeade so he can pick out a sweater that matches the precise shade of Evans's irises. Moony, you and Wormy here go to the library and research charms. Let's make this sweater feel, smell, and taste," Sirius winked, "like James."_

In James's absence, Lily lay in the remnants of his embrace. She inhaled: leather from the Quaffle, grass from the pitch during a pouring match, bucketfuls of Sleekeazy. Remus and Sirius were talking. " _We won't be able to find him..."_ Green sweater wrapped tightly around her, mimicking the feel of his arms, she grew desperate. She wanted to touch him. See him. Anything. _He left. Without a word. Did this mean they... that they were over?_

Tears escaped, racing into the sofa. Now Remus and Sirius were talking _to_ her. But she couldn't hear what they had to say. Lily's world had stopped moving. She'd been here before. When _he_ betrayed her. When her parents... Now, James?

"Lily, James—"

Saying James's name was addressing Lily directly. If he was hurt or scared or broken or tired or weak, she would know. And give anything to be with him and wipe away his tears in that moment. Lily tilted her head up to see her boys towering over her.

"He'll come around. You need to eat something."

She sat up slowly.

"He promised," she started to tell the boys. "You don't understand. Three nights ago, he _promised_ he wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't do this. He can't. Unless..."

The sobs began. James leaving, James dying, it was one and the same. When she had no idea if he was safe, he was as good as dead.

Sirius sat down beside her, wrapping his arm around her petite shoulders and bringing her into his side. He gestured at Remus to pour a cup of tea.

"Fucking James. We'll get to the bottom of this."

"I can't lose him too."

"It's alright, Lily." He rubbed her shoulder. "We're here."

If the girls who had swooned over Sirius's jacket saw him now, all four would have fainted. This display of Sirius's sensitive side was as rare as Lily's moment of vulnerability, but the time called for it. Her fears ran deep but his purpose in protecting the pack ran deeper. Still, Sirius knew better then to give Lily false hope. Before he could make any assurances, he needed to get ahold of James.

"Dumbledore mentioned he made sure James was safe," Remus said, handing Lily the tea. "So he's in contact with him?"

"But we're not getting any more information out of Dumbledore. I was surprised he hadn't even told Minnie."

"Do you think Mad-Eye might know? Or Kingsley? They're Aurors and will ask questions if James doesn't show up to work."

"I somehow doubt Dumbledore would tell Mad-Eye or Kingsley before Minnie... I need to think. But first, I need a drink."

"We can use the mirror to talk to James," recalled Remus, referring to the set of mirrors James and Sirius used to communicate when they were stuck in separate detentions.

But Sirius declined the last of Remus's suggestions. "I tried it as soon as we got back here. No response, just my reflection."

Lily held the cup of tea close to her tear-smudged face, still sniffling. "Romey might know."

Sirius summoned two wide crystal glasses and poured doubles.

"Asked her too. She said Master James only told her to look after us and the Estate."

Lily quickly downed her tea and held out her cup for Sirius to fill with firewhiskey. "Me too."

Sirius cocked a brow that went unnoticed by Lily. Not wanting to upset her further by coddling, he didn't refuse her drink. Though he knew her wave of sadness had passed, they'd just have to be careful.

But the doubles quickly become triples. And the triples, quadruples. The trio openly dissected anything and everything said and done by James Potter in the preceding weeks. Had he acted out of character? Slipped something that might give a clue to where he was, what he was doing? But the discussion was fruitless. None of his friends could point to anything other than ordinary.

Lily Evans couldn't point to anything at all. She was now very drunk.

"I knew it was too good to be true. James Fleamont Potter. Perfect James Potter with his stupid hair and his stupid glasses and his stupid smile. Why did you let me go out with him anyway?" Lily digged into Remus's chest.

"And you!" she turned one-eighty to attack Sirius. "Why would you let him chase me like I was some prize to be won?"

Sirius gave Remus a dire look. A drunk James moaning over Lily he'd handled many, _many,_ times. But a drunk Lily whining about James? Well, there was first time for everything.

"I'm a person you know! One with feelings! But you boys don't understand that, do you? For you, it's just the sex. The messing around until you're bored. And then you're onto the next one!"

"Okay, Lily, I think it's time for bed."

Remus tried to help her up off the couch where she was sitting with her knees snuggled into her chest. Sirius was trying to grab the firewhiskey in her hands.

"I can take care of myself. I don't need you." Lily stood pushing the Marauders out of the way. "Or James."

In one swig, she finished off the firewhiskey and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I am _going_ to see Severus."


	6. Nah, She Didn't

_Lily's blood boiled. Hot tears stung at her eyes. She was storming across the manicured lawn back into the castle. She vaguely caught a friendly voice shout, "Hey, Lily! How was your exam?" but she pretended not to hear. The Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. she'd confidently completed but minutes before was long out of her mind. She passed the Great Hall and slipped up the largest of Hogwarts's staircases._

 _Lily hadn't ever felt like this—anger and disappointment in equal measure. The afternoon ought to have passed without incidence. With just Transfiguration left, she ought have been down by the lake right now. Allowing icy water to tickle her toes and soaking up sunshine, tasting the beginnings of summer, laughing..._

 _Instead, Lily was running away, choking back tears._ Leave it to James to ruin everything, _she thought bitterly._ And Snape... _All she knew was she had to get away. From him. Them._

 _Soon, Lily found herself on an open terrace, facing away from the lake. Lay before her was Scottish landscape. Lily stared out into its understated glory, trying to clear her mind. Greening hills were spread as far as the eye could see. A narrow river passed through them. The view was splattered with an occasional farmhouse, a steeple peaking through here and there. At the edge of her vision, Lily saw the beautiful viaduct bridge over which the Hogwarts Express passed each June and September._

 _She expelled a long sigh. Lily couldn't pinpoint_ who _had hurt her more. James being James and fighting after he'd promised her he'd try not to, not just with anyone but especially not with Snape... or Snape, saying those detestable words to her in front their entire class..._

 _And to think, she'd stood up for him._

" _I'm so stupid," Lily said to herself, covering her face with her hands. Her dark red hair, straight and full, fell over her hands._

 _Truth be told, both James and Snape had changed in the past year._

 _Lily hadn't seen much of Severus the preceding summer holidays. The War had been brewing for some time now. Even her parents sensed something was up. So for her safety, Lily spent her summer housebound, nose in books. During this time she met Severus just once at the park. While she expressed concern and sorrow at the mounting disappearances, he responded stiffly. When they returned to Hogwarts for fifth year, he wasn't straight with her from the start. Sitting with Slytherins he hadn't even been friends with months before—Sirius's younger brother Regulus among them—Severus ignored Lily's existence almost completely, only talking to her when they were partnered up in class. Sometime fall term she confronted him about the change in his behavior. "You're being distant," she had said. But Severus shrugged her off._

 _In the meantime, Lily found herself crossing paths with James more. Much to her surprise, she didn't mind. As a prefect and thus circumstantially friends with Remus, Lily had been let in on a whole new side of James as if it were some safeguarded treasure. After her initial surprise he had elected to take Muggle Studies, they'd do homework together, and Lily would patiently answer James's endless questions about growing up without magic. Their year of ten in Gryffindor always ate together, so of course he'd been there at mealtimes, but it wasn't until recently that Lily really started to_ see _James without her previous inhibitions. He wasn't crude, but sensitive. Moreover obnoxious, funny. Forget smug, think smart. When she noticed that someone as softspoken as Remus talked so fervently of James, that he held James in such high regard, Lily silently noted there had to be something special about the Potter boy. Thus, she began to smile at James in the hallways, make small talk, and (when she'd had a Butterbeer or two) even let him drag her to dance on the common room floor during Quidditch victory celebrations._

 _After hearing her fall rundown with Severus, James had caught up to Lily and said, "He fancies you, you know?" She declined to accept any boy if he was going to be so impolite, she'd told him. "And anyways, you're not much better yourself. You could do with growing up a bit." James had dramatically recovered from his wounded ego to add, "If it means that much to you, Evans, I promise I'll try," and Lily had felt her heart flutter for the first time as she believed his words._

 _Until today. For today, James had broken Lily's heart for the first time._

 _She replayed the scene in her mind. The girls were unwinding by the lake when a burst of red light diverted their attention from Marlene discussing an exam question._

 _Severus had been disarmed. As he dived for his wand, Sirius yelled, "Impedimenta," closing in on him. There was James, walking shoulder to shoulder with Sirius. James briefly turned towards the girls but didn't meet Lily's eyes. Passed between the boys were words she couldn't hear—ones sure to be ugly based on the look of utter contempt on Severus's face. James and Sirius continued to approach him, both parties sneering at one another._ Maybe James would try to stop Sirius, help Severus up, _Lily thought with a smidgen of hope. But this time, the jinx came from James's wand._

" _Scourgify!"_

 _To Lily's dismay, he hadn't changed one bit._

Why isn't anyone stopping them? _she thought angrily, looking over to Remus. He was looking intently at an open Transfiguration textbook on his lap. While he wasn't standing being entertained like Peter, her most-respected Marauder was obviously ignoring the scene unfolding before him, playing an incorrigible bystander. If Remus didn't want to say anything, fine. But Lily would not stay silent. She was a prefect, and someone was being bullied. It was her duty._

" _Leave him ALONE!" she'd shouted._

" _All right, Evans?" James addressed her cordially, as if he hadn't just attacked her best—no, Severus was no longer her friend. But that still didn't excuse James's actions._

" _Leave him alone," she said again, disapprovingly. "What's he done to you?"_

 _James responded as if it were just the two of them hanging out by the lake. "Well, it's more the fact he exists, if you know what I mean..."_

 _This was met with many laughs from the nearby grounds. It wasn't funny at all, but it had been said by James Potter. And Lily Evans had had enough. She'd put an end to this._

" _You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."_

 _And out of nowhere came the last thing Lily expected to hear. James Potter asked her out._

" _I will if you go out with me, Evans. Go on... go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."_

 _She stared at him dumbstruck. He_ had _to be kidding. This was just another one of his pranks. He didn't... he_ couldn't _like_ her _. She didn't laugh at his jokes. (Not outwardly, at least.) She disagreed when everyone called him God's gift to earth... And now that everyone was watching, James only wanted to humiliate her._ Yeah, _she thought._ That must be it. _But Lily wouldn't let him. So she called him out first._

" _I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."_

 _Sirius said a quick word of "bad luck, Prongs," before the action picked up again._

 _Severus fired the next curse, which hit James in the face. But this was no bout of innocent pink bubbles. James's cheek had been slashed open, and blood splattered into the air, staining his robes. Lily winced, wanting to berate Severus. He wasn't a victim. He was a fighter on a level field._

 _But James's reflexes were faster. He countered, and all the fifth years now saw Severus's underpants for he was hung upside-down in the air, his robes falling all around him. James could hold his ground well in a duel—Lily was grateful of this for but a moment before she remembered the disciplinary role she was to play. Authority masked her face once more._

" _Let him down!"_

 _James let a disheveled Severus back onto the ground. What happened next was a blur. Sirius continued to hex Severus. Lily conceded that her words would have no effect on the boys, so she too drew her wand. Not wanting to hit Lily, James finally let Severus go._

" _You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus—"_

" _I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"_

 _Lily blinked._

 _She couldn't believe her ears. The first time he addressed her all year, and_ this _is what he had to say? She knew he'd taken more to his Slytherin friends, that he'd become secretive, but she had assumed it was just a phase. That he'd come around. But the unshakeable reality was different and now apparent to Lily. Snape had indeed turned prejudiced, elitist_ , _and hateful._

He was my friend _, she thought in a last attempt to salvage the hopeless situation. Calling her a_ Mudblood _so callously, shamelessly, in front of their entire class, many of whom stood divided on the matter of bloodlines... Most students feared speaking out in the face of an increasingly deadly war. The likes of Sirius and James, righteous purebloods, were rare. Regulus was the poster child for the world that had taken her in but was now turning against her. Now Severus..._

 _The depth of his betrayal hit Lily with the force of ten curses to her chest. But she would not fall apart. Not here. She wouldn't give him the pleasure._

" _Fine, I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."_

 _But the surprises didn't stop there. James stood up for Lily, drawing his wand at Snape once more._

" _Apologize to Evans!"_

 _In that moment, Lily wanted nothing more than to cuss out Snape. In another reality, she would have avenged herself triumphantly. But after what he'd said, Lily was speechless. She knew her words would have no effect on him. So instead..._

" _I don't want you to make him apologize. You're as bad as he is!"_

 _Lily's anguish befell James._

" _What?" James was genuinely taken aback, now restraining a pained expression. "I'd NEVER call you a—you-know-what!"_

 _Words she didn't mean stumbled out._

" _Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick..."_

 _Truth be told, when Lily first came to see James's inherent goodness, it unnerved her. She feared what would happen when she admitted it to herself._

" _...showing off with that stupid Snitch..."_

 _He cared deeply for his friends, poured his heart into Quidditch, and pranked only as an exercise in how far-reaching the applications of his magical knowledge could be._

" _...walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can..."_

 _If James felt pressure to prove himself, in that, he was not unlike Lily. His unaffected nature and air of prestige were but sincere efforts to live up to his last name._

" _...I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it..."_

 _Befriending him was lucrative. But potentially losing him? Lily wasn't ready to risk it. There was a war going on, and James Potter was a seed Lily Evans couldn't bring herself to sow._

" _...you make me SICK."_

 _Unable to hold back the waterfall any longer, Lily stormed off. Look what thinking well for Snape got her. It was only logical that James would turn out to be as bad, if not worse._

 _James called after Lily._

" _Evans!"_

 _Snape didn't._

" _Hey, EVANS!"_

 _Lily didn't look back._

 _Now alone on the terrace, she wanted desperately to take back her awful words. Lily had likened James to Snape, but in lashing out at James, Lily herself was like Snape. How could she have stood up for Snape but been so horrible to James?_

 _James was the one leading whispered campaigns, encouraging students to join Dumbledore in the fight against the Dark Arts, well aware that in doing so he was painting a target on his own back. He was also the first to comfort their friends if they went too long without news from home, reminding them they were safe at Hogwarts. And now, in the wake of Snape's affront, it was James who had fought for Lily._

 _The boy in whose thoughts Lily was so engrossed broke into them himself._

" _Lily! There you are. I'm—"_

 _In a display of his characteristic presumption, James had followed Lily to the far ends the castle. As she looked at James and his face full of drying blood, Lily didn't know how to feel. So she responded how she knew best._

" _I thought I made myself clear, James. Stay aw—"_

" _James," he repeated, feeling the name on his tongue. "You called me James. Not Potter."_

" _Well," she stuttered. Why did it matter? "You said Lily."_

" _Right, I... I came to apologize,_ Lily," _he began, giving her a piercing look. "I'm sorry."_

" _Yeah? For what?" She wasn't upset at him, just wanted to know what he had to say._

" _He shouldn't have said that to you."_

" _And_ you _shouldn't have attacked_ _him!" Lily scoffed. "By the way, classic of you to not apologize for your_ own _mistake."_

 _Why was she responding this way when really, she wanted to thank him?_

" _Why are you defending him? He called you a..." James stopped mid sentence._

" _Go on, say it. That's what I am, am I not?"_

" _Lily, I would never..."_

" _Yet it's your fault. If you hadn't stupidly hurt him, I wouldn't have had to stand up for him and..." Lily trailed off._

" _Someone has to set a good example," James smiled at her softly before continuing with his explanation. "And I didn't_ hurt _him. It was post exam haze. We saw Snape, all I meant to say was 'Alright Snivellus?' but he went for his wand, and I instinctively disarmed him. Sirius was being shifty—but never mind that. I only hexed him after he sweared at Sirius... and said stuff... about him leaving his family."_

 _Lily knew Sirius had left home this past Christmas and that the Potters had taken him in. Sirius wasn't just James's best friend. He was his brother._

" _It was a moment of stupidity, and I know. I should have stopped. It went too far."_

 _As James continued his innocent apology bit, Lily was a reminded of what else he had said down by the lake._

" _No kidding it did... and the asking me out?"_

" _It just... came out. The boys were there, everyone, all eyes were on me."_

" _And so you thought you'd put on a show, huh James?" It was just what she'd feared. "Make fun of me in your own way before leaving the remains for that_ vulture _Snape?"_

" _Lily," James replied fiercely. She'd hit a soft spot. "I didn't say it to make fun of you. I meant—well, I didn't mean to ask you like_ that. _But I_ did _mean it. You must know... It's not like it's some secret._ Everyone _knows..."_

" _Knows what?" Lily pressed._

 _Was she ready to face the truth?_

" _That I like you."_

 _The sun hadn't stopped shining. As it set, its blinding light passed between them as James's round-rimmed gaze met Lily's brilliant emerald one. They stood battling eyes for what seemed like minutes. He ran his fingers through his hair, untidying where it had settled, and tilted his head, not breaking the connection once. Lily cleared her voice first._

" _Yeah, right. That's a good one." She let out a nervous laugh. "Why are you telling me all of this anyways?"_

" _Because I can't stand the thought of you being mad at me for something I didn't intend to make happen!"_

" _But it did, James! He said it in front of everyone..." She turned to face the green-brown hills. "I'm the only Muggle-born left in our year. Everyone else's parents pulled them out of school by Christmas! Last week... a Ravenclaw first year wouldn't let me touch her to take her to the hospital wing after she slipped and hurt her wrist."_

" _Just because Snivell—sorry. Just because_ Snape _said it doesn't make it real."_

" _And I... I defended him. He's_ scum _. He reminded me, reminded_ everyone _, what I am, and there_ I _was, defending him like I had no self-respect left."_

 _James gently grabbed Lily by the shoulders and turned her around to face him once again. Daring, he cupped her chin and lifted it to meet her eyes, now virescent swimming pools. It was James's chance to show her that he too really_ saw _Lily, that his affection for her ran far deeper than hollow desire._

" _Lily, listen. You have the greatest self-respect out of anyone in the castle. That's what makes you so special. You_ know _who you are, what you stand for. Everyone else, they're still figuring that out. How you felt down there, I can't even begin to imagine how hurtful it was. But how you reacted, I saw—_ everyone _saw_ — _how mature it was._ Every _other fifth year would have hexed Snape into next week if he attacked them or their family like that. You... you try to see the good in everyone, no matter what. You didn't make a mistake down there. You were_ Lily _down there."_

 _Lily blinked back tears. Sensitive, funny, smart, inventive, revolutionary, even gallant, albeit impulsive, James was now... kind?_

" _He doesn't deserve it," she responded, lifting her chin up out of James's delicate hold._

" _No, I don't disagree. But I'm glad you gave him benefit of the doubt."_

" _What?"_

 _Lily smiled in disbelief at James's seemingly unending compassion today. James smirked, straightening back up._

" _If you hadn't, we wouldn't be having this lovely one-on-one now, would we?"_

 _Nope, James Potter was definitely still a prat._

" _And so, James Potter took Lily Evans by the hand, tucking her away into secluded corners on these esteemed grounds, all but a sliver of day to illuminate the two as they..."_

 _Lily chortled._

" _Okay, Fitzgerald. Moment over."_

" _Who's Fitzgerald?"_

 _Lily breathed deeply and turned back to normal, letting the afternoon's events float away from her mind._

" _By the way, I'm sorry too. And thanks,_ James."

" _Anytime,_ Lily."

 _Lily began to say more and James raised his brows, but she decided instead to take_ him _by the shoulders and started pushing him back into the stone corridor._

" _Let's get you to the hospital wing."_

" _Oh no! If Madame Pomfrey sees another fighting injury, she'll give me a detention."_

" _Well, you should have thought of that before cursing Snape."_

" _Hey! You're calling Snivelly by his last name and me by my—"_

" _Don't make me change my mind now, Potter."_

 _Lily looked at James the evocative way_ he _usually looked at_ her _, and James gave in. They gladly retreated into Hogwarts, out of the pink sunlight. Of the many gorgeous sunsets that James and Lily would come to share, this was but the first._

* * *

"She's going to see _who_ now?"

Back in Sirius's living room, Sirius was left holding onto an empty crystal glass, arms length from Remus. The space between that them had been occupied by one feisty redhead moments before was now empty.

Remus gulped. "He won't hurt her."

"I'd like to see him try!" shouted Sirius.

It was his fault Lily had left to see Snape. Without a care that they were no longer in school. Without remembering he was now a Death Eater. Where James's attraction for Lily had blossomed into a consensual love for the ages, Snape's childhood crush remained unrequited. To Sirius, this seemed more of a reason for Snape to hurt her.

"Spinner's End," Remus said, trying to get through to Sirius whose eyes seemed to have glazed over. "That's where Snape lives. Or lived. I saw the address when I was organizing some papers for Minnie years ago. We could try to think of that and apparate."

He shouldn't have let Lily drink. James wasn't here, _so_ it was _his_ job to protect her at any cost. If something happened to her... Sirius couldn't bear to think it. Not only would James not forgive him, Sirius wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

"How about Lily's?" Sirius said sharply. "We've been to the park by hers! They lived close by, right? We could go there and then deduce Snape's place."

"If he's still there that is..."

"Where else could she have gone!" Sirius shot a hand up to his hair, severely distressed.

"Agh!" Remus grabbed the glass Sirius was gripping a tad too tightly and set it on the table.

Evening had made way into night, and it had started to thunder over London. Remus swiftly moved to shut the white doors that opened onto a balcony above Kings Road and were now letting wind into the flat. The living room curtains that had been flapping aggressively finally stood at attention.

"It's the best shot we have, Moony."

Remus saw fear morph into desperation on Sirius's face. First James, now Lily. They didn't have time to plan her rescue. No. They had to jump in. They had to find her before it was too late. The war might take from everyone else, but it would not take James and Lily from them too. They wouldn't let it. The Marauders weren't ones to surrender to the empty threat of defeat. They would keep fighting. They would be invincible.

Little did they know, it was only a matter of years before...

Remus responded to Sirius's searching gaze by reaching for his hand. The moment they touched, Moony and Padfoot were whirled into the night. The comfort of Sirius's flat and the dinner Romey had so lovingly made would have to wait a while longer.

* * *

 **A/N: I worked super hard on getting the "Snape's Worst Memory" flashback to both accurately parallel the book and show a budding L/J friendship. PLEASE REVIEW!**


	7. Another Brother

Lily landed outside her childhood home.

 _So much for never looking back_.

A light in an upstairs window signified that Petunia was home, but Lily hadn't come for her first traitor. She turned to walk down the street. In the darkness, a mass of uniform homes with their neatly-trimmed hedges stood at attention.

In what should have been a still night in the simple English town, anticipation brewed.

The wind stung wildly at Lily's face—tangling her hair, refusing to be tamed. In the distance, the sky abruptly rumbled. And Lily shuddered. James's sweater could do little to protect her when the elements themselves were making it quite obvious that they would show her no mercy.

The moment she'd left the Marauders' home, Lily had known she was sacrificing her safety. But however different theory was from actually being exposed and without backup in the Muggle world, Lily tread on, enduring the affront. Her heart was pounding, rational thought eluding her. Anger swelled within her, and for once, Lily squashed her conscience.

"Expecto patronum."

How Lily was able to cast a corporeal patronus in her maddened state she didn't know. But it must have been the reserve of laughter from her Hogwarts days that Lily knew would never cease to fill her.

Lily willed the gentle doe to deliver her message as she approached the deserted park. The hour may have been dark and thunderous but not any less than Lily.

 _Good_ , she thought. _If any Muggles look outside, they'll mistake the duel for lightning._

Alert enough not to sit on the swings, Lily drew out her wand, lit at the tip, and waited.

As seconds turned into minutes and impulsive intoxicated Lily took pause, the certainty turned to smoke. The rush came to a complete stop.

This was a mistake. Actually, it was single-handedly the stupidest thing Lily had ever done. Snape might not come alone... he might bring his fellow Death Eaters... they could capture Lily, or worse. As a member of the Order, Lily hadn't put just herself in danger by taking this little excursion. She was threatening their entire operations.

But the deed was done. James was gone, and if she got hurt or taken, maybe she didn't care.

 _He didn't, so why should she?_

Lily sensed the air shift behind her. It was too soon. She turned carefully, wand at the ready, _Expelliarmus at the tip of her_ —

"Oh thank Merlin!"

Sirius launched himself at Lily, engulfing her in a forceful hug that knocked the breath from her lungs and warmth into her frozen limbs.

"Let me go, Black!" She broke free from his hold to look at his partner. "What are you doing here?"

Remus's stance remained guarded.

"Stopping you from engaging in destructive behavior," Sirius grinned, looking more relieved than he'd ever been, even when their most complicated pranks went to plan. "We know Prongs is a first-class idiot, but you don't have to stoop to his level you know."

"Leave," Lily seethed.

She was in too deep. Sirius and Remus were _saving_ her ass quite literally. She knew she desperately needed her brothers by her side, but _why_ was she being so stubborn?

"Lily," started Remus. "We can _not_ be here."

But it was too late.

"Well, well, well. Look what we have here." The voice did _not_ belong to Severus Snape. "A werewolf, a Mudblood, and a blood traitor."

Two hooded figures emerged from a clearing adjacent to the park and into the light owed partly to the moon and partly to the streetlamp. The trio simultaneously aimed their wands at the speaker.

Sirius met his brother's eye for the first time in four months.

"Who shall we teach a lesson first, huh Severus?" continued Regulus Black, seemingly unfazed by his older brother standing inches from his face. "Poor werewolf can't help it can he? Nor is it the Mudblood's fault she was born scum. I say let's go for the ungrateful little—"

"Regulus," began Sirius, unwavering at the remarks that had been so callously thrown in the air.

"Don't you dare speak my name with that filthy mouth. Merlin knows—"

"Enough," came the fifth voice that night. Snape now spoke directly to Lily with his characteristic enunciation, "You summoned?"

But Sirius spoke for her, "It was a mistake. Forget it. Good night."

Sirius grabbed Lily by the shoulder's, attempting to turn her around, when a bolt of red light was countered by Remus.

Remus, who hadn't moved towards either Snape or Regulus upon their arrival and was instead waiting to see how Sirius would react, had just now saved Sirius from being _Stupefy-_ ed by his real brother. Curses streaked through the air thereafter, and who of the five sent which curse soon became muddled.

Severus rebuked Regulus once a short stalemate was reached, but it was Lily who responded with mirth in her eyes.

"Why stop him now _Snivellus_? We're all here. Why don't you let your _friend_ finish us off, and you can both hop along to your master, wagging your tails, and show him what good boys you've been?"

"You're not well, Lil—"

"Shut up, SHUT UP! I am perfectly damn well! And I don't need to hear any more misogyn—"

"We did not come here to attack you, nor to cajole you," started Sirius's voice of reason once more. Regulus raised his wand but Snape raised his arm in front of an advancing Regulus. "Let's save this fight for another time, shall we? I'm sure we'll have plenty of opportunities."

The firsts this night didn't show signs of stopping for who could have imagined Sirius behaving so diplomatically in front of Snape? Then again, in what world would James have left the Marauders without so much as a letter? But Remus knew equally well that while they might win the fight here and now, losing Lily in James's absence was not a risk Sirius was equipped to take.

Snape stared long and hard at Lily, and then Sirius, before responding. "Take care of her."

Lily and Regulus protested at once.

"What is it with you people? I can sure as bloody hell take care of myself!"

" _What_ _are_ you doing?! All three of them are here; let's f—"

"Let it go, Regulus," but once again, it was not Snape who spoke. "This is not your fight."

"Let me have at you!" charged Regulus, into Snape's restraining hold. "Not my fight? This is what I... what _we_ were _raised_ to do! And what did you do? You just bloody left!"

"It was the _right_ thing to do..." started Sirius, sensing something other than a proclivity for the Dark Arts and blood order in Regulus's words.

"I stayed! I stayed and—"

"You know as well as I do what is darkness and what is light," Sirius interrupted with a solemn finality.

Nodding to Snape, Sirius turned away from his blood once more and towards his chosen family. Lily, who was still fuming, was at a loss for words, but Remus understood what had just passed between the brothers.

Huddled together, the trio was about to apparate when Regulus, now free of Snape's grasp, decided to hit another nerve.

"Where's your beloved Potter tonight anyways? Moose got run over by a car now did he?"

Sirius gained his composure in the same second he lost it, but Lily would have collapsed if it weren't for Remus's and Sirius's arms around her.

"Think you're the only ones with spies," scoffed Regulus.

"Regulus!" snapped Snape suddenly.

Regulus paid no attention and walked right up to the Marauders; he was now breathing on both Sirius's and Lily's necks.

"Even if I did know where your _prince_ was, _I_ don't kiss and tell."

At this, Sirius flung himself at Regulus, smacking his wand out of his hand in the process and grabbing him by the collar. Their boyhood wrestling days long over, the two young men now stood heaving at one another's throats.

"Leave him, Sirius! It's not worth—"

"Listen to your furry friend, Sir," Regulus looked far from afraid.

"Now you listen, you punk," Sirius bellowed, not playing games and tightening his hold on Regulus's (also leather) jacket. "You do not utter James's name with your cowardly, uninspired—"

"Sirius, LILY!" shouted Remus, losing his cool for the second time that day—the first being his bout with Dumbledore at the Order meeting only hours before but one that felt like eons ago.

Sirius dropped Regulus at once and went to Lily who had a wand out at Snape.

"It's because of YOU that he—and you two! Let me go! I'm not a child!" Lily exclaimed, struggling against Sirius and Remus.

"Choose them... over your own brother, Sir," projected Regulus, now backing away towards Snape. "This is how they repay us?'

Grave personal loss was by now an old acquaintance to them all, and Regulus it seemed was not to be excluded from this sum.

"You know as well as I do that _that's_ not what this is about." Sirius glanced over at the figures now retreating into the clearing and, upon feeling a cautionary hand on his shoulder from Remus, spoke to the younger of the two: "This is far from finished."

Thunder tore apart the sky once more and under its bellows, Sirius, Remus and Lily vanished into the night.

—

Back in the King's Road flat, a yelp startled the trio.

"AH!" gasped Romey the house elf who was cozied up in a rocking chair by the fireplace. It looked like she was startled more by their sudden arrival than were they by her. "Young ma'am and masters have arrived! Shall I heat up dinner?"

"Yes, please," replied Sirius, resuming his role as head of the house. "Sorry for scaring you."

"No problem Master Sirius, sir. I'm happy to serve until Master James is back."

"Please, you don't have to call me Master," smiled Sirius.

Romey bowed pleasantly and proudly walked back to the kitchen. Back in his mother's reign, Sirius's kind affinity with the help had even softened Kreacher. That is, until Kreacher took a preference to Regulus for being the prodigious Black son, it not helping that Sirius left.

Now turning to Lily, who stood expectantly looking at Sirius, he cleared the room.

"I am not going to say 'What were you thinking?!'—although, be clear, that _is_ what I'm thinking—under the assumption that _you_ weren't thinking. No need to be embarrassed; today you get a pass, Lils. It's been a rough day—hell! A rough weekend for us all."

The warm and well-lit atmosphere of their safe flat had lightened the mood and being back had thus lifted Lily's sunken spirits. Sirius continued.

"There's no chance that idiot will be able to stay away from us for long. And if he dare tries, we'll find him. Get some rest, and by morning, I want _Lily_ back. Deal?"

Lily nodded. "Thanks fam."

Remus cracked a smile, nudging Lily. " _Awww_ , look how responsible and mature this one can get. If this is what it takes, we need to have James GTFO more often."

At this, even Lily let out a shaken exhale that could pass as a laugh, and Sirius put on his classic smirk. "Shut up, Moony. And please start using those eye masks I got you."

For now, without James, things at the Marauder pad were as normal as they were going to get.


	8. Golden Morning

**Posting after a long time, a little chapter to get the ball rolling...**

* * *

The stormy night gave way to a quiet, foggy morning.

Remus was the first of the trio to arise. After putting on tea, he made his way to the balcony and settled in on one of two chaise yard chairs.

As his eyes grew accustomed to the morning light, Remus allowed himself to relax. The view of the classic Kensington street and its extravagant white porches at this early hour made it hard not to feel so serene. Early flowers bloomed in pots hanging on some balconies, and green buds sat humbly in the otherwise barren trees. Below, Remus observed the occasional passerby in bed robes walking a well-groomed dog, and once, a crisply suited resident leaving his building for his office. Remus sipped his tea, milk no sugar, and as he did so here, he could not help but succumb to the duplicity of safety this opulence feigned.

Eventually still, the previous night's events floated back to Remus's mind.

 _Pad sure is keeping it together. For Lily's sake. But he has to be as distraught at James's sudden disappearance… for James to not even let Pad in on it… ! I just pray he's alright. How else can we possibly contact him, try to find him? And work for the Order in the meantime… At least Pad doesn't have any pressing assignments. And Lily… she would otherwise throw herself into work, but after her uncharacteristic impulsiveness last night… I don't know what to expect. I have to keep her safe, us all… physically_ and _mentally. And keep us together. Maybe now isn't a terrible time to check in with Peter… What Regulus said about…_

"Morning," mumbled Lily, breaking into Remus's reverie not long after he entered it.

Lily, still wrapped still in her green sweater, was now holding her own mug of tea and took to perching on the chair across from Remus.

Remus looked up and their eyes met in acknowledgement that it was too early to say much more. Nature's tactfully designed gray of the hour would not be marred by something as obtrusive as half-executed human thought.

Lily followed Remus's gaze back down to the road below, where the traffic was now picking up. A lady dressed in a bright blue overcoat was unlocking a boutique shop's gold-rimmed doors.

Lily sipped her own tea, willing with all her might that some life source would seep from the tea to warm the depths of her heart, filling her with a purpose much greater than a morning buzz. Remus left his cup unattended on the ground now, empty and cold.

A mother—or a governess—pushed a frill-hooded pram on the walkway beneath them. Beside her was another, younger woman, the skip in her step indicating the two were discussing a joyful topic. A new engagement? A party to be held?

Remus inhaled deeply. "All these people… the sun came up, and their life is going on like normal. They're _happy_ …"

"You're right," managed Lily. She hadn't been up long enough to be as reflective.

"They have no idea of the danger right underneath their noses."

"Hmm," this woke Lily up faster than the Earl Grey, but she remained quiet.

Minutes before, she had arisen to only be reminded that James was not next to her. He was gone, and there was no way for her to contact him. Perturbed, she had felt her heart sink. But Sirius's words from the night before rang clear in her mind.

 _"I want_ Lily _back. Deal?"_

And so, she had decided that it was Lily he would get. She would do her duty to her brothers, to the Order… and to James. Theirs was a relationship she wouldn't let break so easily. She wouldn't let him break his promise. She'd find him; she'd make sure of it.

Yet the danger Remus now mentioned… it was as real as the weight on her eyelids this morning. It simply would not do to be a fool and pretend otherwise.

"We're doing what we can," Lily thought aloud. "It's not like we can force a state of international emergency."

Remus looked up at Lily, the same thought crossing their minds.

 _If this were Hogwarts, they could have done anything._

The Marauders as masterminds, Remus as a Prefect, and Lily and James as Heads ran the show at Hogwarts. But the crushing reality was that they were in the real world now. Small, insignificant. How could they now impart serious change?

"Maybe not," Remus said, after they temporarily came to terms with their seemingly tied hands. "But we can move forward with the Ambassadors."

"And if they haven't already, someone needs to talk to the Muggle Prime Minister. Before it's too late."

For a second, Lily refocused on her tea. She now drank as if it were a chore she couldn't finish fast enough than a ritual to share with her best friend. Remus looked at her concernedly, but before he had a chance to gather himself, Lily pepped up, "Did you sleep okay?"

 _Aggressively optimistic and dutifully caring it would be._

"As well as any other night," Remus managed a smile. "And you?"

Lily gave a muted smile back in acknowledgement. "Not bad."

They both knew the other was lying.

"You know… I was thinking… you should talk to Sirius. I know this is the worst of times—and he's not showing it, but I bet not only James but everything Regulus said kept him up last night."

And in characteristic self-deprecating style, they instead chose to take care of another of their own.

Remus went on. "I think you could really get to him. You know, with both you and him and the difficult siblings…"

"Huh," Lily mused. "I hadn't thought of it that way… but you have a point. Regulus isn't so far off from Petunia…"

The sun now forced away the clouds so it could shine down upon west London unhindered. This seemed to cheer up the duo. The world hadn't stopped moving, so neither would day.

"I'll talk to Sirius about it."

"Talk to me about what?"

Sirius, shirtless, appeared like the sun. Sudden and unstoppable. His pajama bottoms hung loosely from his angular hips. One arm was outstretched behind his head, and the other grasped a steaming French press and empty mug.

Remus and Lily exchanged a fleeting glance, before Lily chirped, "The ambassadors."

"What?" said Remus.

If Lily could have been discreet, she would have kicked Remus in the shins. Meanwhile, Sirius by force of habit swung Lily's legs from laying on the chair towards a sitting position in order to make room for himself. He also began to press down on his French press.

"I was going to ask you what you thought about the ambassador program we mentioned in the meeting yesterday… to the werewolves and house elves and muggles."

"Oh," Sirius said, sounding uninterested. He was too busy fiddling with the few coffee grounds that had made it into his now full mug.

Rectifying himself, Remus jumped in. "I mean, everyone's busy. McGonagall, Dumbledore, Kingsley. Who would we even send?"

Sirius dramatically took his first sip of coffee, exhaling in pleasure, much like he did with everything else in life. "I thought y'all were going to do it."

"What—us? Be the ambassadors?"

"No…"

"Yeah, who else would be?"

"We're not trained. We don't have the diplomatic skills, or the rank… we wouldn't be taken seriously!"

" _Seriously_ , I don't see what the problem is," Sirius announced. "You may not have the delicacy that, say, _Minnie_ does, but you have empathy. You'll—heck, we'll... I'll take the house elves—connect with them in a way no one has approached before. And if we're—okay, _you're_ —competent enough to make the protocols, there shouldn't be an issue in delivering them yourselves."

Remus and Lily both turned inward to process Sirius's burst of inspiration, while Sirius took to leaning his head back and basking in the toasty rays.

"He has a point, you know."

"I say let's do it."

* * *

 **Jily in next chapter :)**


End file.
